Sometimes Life Happens... and you just have to accept it

It's taken about three weeks but I think I've finally gotten to the point emotionally where I'm okay with everything that's going on. I've come to the conclusion that I have to view this break as a "break-up" because if I don't in my head I still tell myself I'm with him. After talking through everything, and when I say everything, I mean everything! I've just kind of come to the realization, and actually realized it where it clicked, that time is the reoccurring element and that is what we both need. I have to be able to make my own way in this life. I still love him and he knows that. He still loves me, and I know that. So why the heck was I so concerned about him leaving me and everything being a lie? I have no idea...

It's taken a while but I'm glad I'm finally there. I'm glad I can choose to look the other way, even though my heart might still ache, I'm glad I'm strong enough to be able to. So if that means waiting until next year or next summer, I think I'll be okay. I'll be ready when he's ready and if that means waiting until the fall of 2012 then so be it. But for right now I've got to focus on me and I am so ready for it!

Ready to run, for no reason other than to see the road less traveled. No reason other than for me!

I don't really much else to say. I'm looking at life in a new light and I'm glad to finally be at this point where I have nothing but true hope to last me a lifetime.

Here's to the upcoming days and everything that comes with them :)

Sometimes Life Happens... and you just have to accept it.

-Jordan

A Little Hope

The issue of forgiveness has been taking a role in your love affairs, Pisces, and today you will find some longed for clarity on this issue. Despite your initial assumptions, this is a situation where you both need to make some steps when it comes to forgiveness. You both can and will forgive and be forgiven, and progress is possible if you approach this issue with this perspective. Do not bog yourself down with a heavy or intense conversation. This is the kind of match that happens once in a lifetime, and all you need to do is simply smile and start over. You both understand each other enough to know that the forgiveness is mutual, you don't need heavy words to portray this.

The Story of Us

So, here I am, once again blogging :) And you know what I don't care! So what if someone gets upset about when I blog, you know I don't care anymore! I've held on for too long... I thought by now we would have at least talked or figured out what's going on. And we've gotten no where, so I'm going to blog and blog my heart away!

I'm not telling you I'm giving up, I'm telling you I've come to the realization that this between us is over. For right now, at least. I'm not giving up all hope but as of right now I've got to let you go. I can't hold on to you and keep hoping you're going to come around, when it's looking like you're not. If you were really upset or really wanted to be with me I kind of feel like you would have come after me or at least made contact by now. 

So I'm going to let you go and pretend you don't exist right now. I'm going to have fun and not think about how I can fix this. I can't hold on any longer if you aren't going to fight for me. I at least deserve that! I deserve that!

I'm not going to stop loving you, my heart simply has no room for anyone else but I'm getting a sense that you've already kind of made the steps to move on. True love doesn't just come and go but maybe it takes a break. I can't keep thinking this is going to magically get better because it's not. It's something we both have to work on and I've got to learn to be okay with out you. 

Days might get hard but I have the memories and you know what right now those are great memories. I do get a little peeved when you tell me not to do something, like blogging. Blogging is how I cope with things; I sit in front of the screen and just let my fingers do the typing. Asking me not to blog would be like asking you not to paint or draw. I'm not going to ask you to stop doing something that is part of you and that helps you cope or release tension or anger or heartache.

I get that you need time but I thought 3 weeks would have been enough. Maybe I'm the one in the wrong by thinking this would have all been fixed by now. But maybe I at least had hope for us and right now you seem to be lacking in that area.

I've been listening to Taylor Swift's song "The Story of Us" and it has really helped out a lot, I don't know how but it's kind of opened my eyes to the fact that right now is not our time. Only time will tell what is in store. Maybe one day you'll finally realize I was worth it, that you should have fought for me. I hope it's soon.

Now is my time to just let you go and learn what's it's like to be me again with nothing held back.

THE STORY OF US

I used to think one day we'd tell the story of us,
How we met and the sparks flew instantly,
People would say, "They're the lucky ones."
I used to know my place was a spot next to you,
Now I'm searching the room for an empty seat,
'Cause lately I don't even know what page you're on.

Oh, a simple complication,
Miscommunications lead to fall-out.
So many things that I wish you knew,
So many walls that I can't break through.

[Chorus:]
Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room and we're not speaking,
And I'm dying to know is it killing you like it's killing me, yeah?
I don't know what to say, since the twist of fate when it all broke down,
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now.

Next chapter.

How'd we end up this way?
See me nervously pulling at my clothes and trying to look busy,
And you're doing your best to avoid me.
I'm starting to think one day I'll tell the story of us,
How I was losing my mind when I saw you here,
But you held your pride like you should've held me.

Oh, I'm scared to see the ending,
Why are we pretending this is nothing?
I'd tell you I miss you but I don't know how,
I've never heard silence quite this loud.

[Chorus:]
Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room and we're not speaking,
And I'm dying to know is it killing you like it's killing me, yeah?
I don't know what to say, since the twist of fate when it all broke down,
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now.

This is looking like a contest,
Of who can act like they care less,
But I liked it better when you were on my side.
The battle's in your hands now,
But I would lay my armor down
If you said you'd rather love than fight.
So many things that you wished I knew,
But the story of us might be ending soon.

[Chorus:]
Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room and we're not speaking,
And I'm dying to know is it killing you like it's killing me, yeah?
I don't know what to say, since the twist of fate when it all broke down,
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now, now, now.
And we're not speaking,
And I'm dying to know is it killing you like it's killing me, yeah?
I don't know what to say, since the twist of fate 'cause we're going down,
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now.

The end.

125

This being my 125th blog I think it's time to take a break from the blogging world.
I've got a lot going on in my life and right now blogging needs to be put on the back burner for now.
Blogging isn't the same thing and doesn't give me that same emotional effect as writing on a piece of paper with a pen or pencil.
I don't have to put everything down in this blog and some things probably should have remained to myself or in my journal, and not where anyone can read it.
I've got a lot more learning to do in life and in love and part of that is keeping certain things in my life private and in a journal and not so easily reachable.
Everything is a work in progress but there is a lot of hope and a lot of faith :)

So for now, I will say good-bye


Love,
J
 

Caught Up In This Moment

I know these past few weeks haven't really been everything we've wanted them to be but there's been more progress than we can see. I'm trying really hard not to be overbearing and pushy. I'm trying to let you have your time to yourself and time to just figure things out. But my heart wants nothing more to be connected to yours again.
I can't sit here and say this has been easy on me. I'm sure it hasn't been easy on you, either. But I don't know what you are feeling or thinking so I don't know how easy or hard this has been on you. It seems as if anything can trigger a memory of us. I mean I was in the car the other day and "Just a Kiss" came on and I remember that trip back from Houston where you asked me about what did I think our first dance would be to. You said "This" and I told you "Just a Kiss" and we listened to it and you turned to me and said, "Oh my gosh! This is it!... I'm getting goosebumps!"
I don't have to sit here and tell you how much  I care for you or that I still love you and that I'm not going anywhere, you already know all of this. What you don't know is everything that I have come to realize in these past two weeks.
Today, after moving some stuff in to our new house, I sat down and read some of our old messages, just to see if there was anything I could have done or said that might have triggered this whole break between us. I know about when it happened and I could understand why you would start to question.
Maybe you are scared to finally have found that one person you actually want to spend your life with. And I think my mistake was getting so wrapped up in the thought of our future together that I started to act like a wife and less like a girlfriend. That was my mistake and I'm sorry for that.
I was talking to someone the other day and they asked if I could redo everything in my relationship, would I change something or keep it the same. I said I would not change a single thing, even now, I still would not want to change anything about our relationship. I love our relationship and yeah, we had fights but we also have a chemistry that is undeniable and so evident between us. 
More importantly I love the person you are. I love you ambition, and willingness to help people. You have talent oozing out of your pores. You smile and your eyes never cease to amaze me. You've got passion to be better than your childhood and you have drive for a great future!
I could sit here and ramble on and on but I just wanted to jot down a few things before I went off to bed. I did not go to the Josh Abbott concert tonight and it wasn't just because I am sick... more importantly I'm not ready to be there without you. Josh Abbott is OUR thing and I know I would have been miserable, not just from the cold, but remembering the June 24th concert and how much passion and love we had.
We still have it. I know we do. And I'm sure time is what we need but you know what time is on our side. I do hope you are having fun at the TKE Halloween party because you deserve it for all that studying you have been doing! Just be safe and I'm am always just a phone call away...

Crazy [Boy] lyrics 

Rodney you gotta let me speak.
You really oughta know that I
Just have to walk away sometimes

We're gonna do what lovers do
We're gonna have a fight or two
But I ain't ever changing my mind

Crazy boy, don't you know that I love you?
I wouldn't dream of going nowhere
Silly Rodney come here let me show you
Have I told you lately I love you like crazy, boy?

I wouldn't last a single day
I'd probably just fade away
Without you I'm losing my mind

Before you ever came along
I was living life all wrong
The smartest thing you ever did was make me all yours!

Crazy boy, don't you know that I love you?
I wouldn't dream of going nowhere
Silly Rodney, come here let me show you
Have I told you lately I love you like crazy, boy?
Like crazy, boy

Crazy boy, don't you know that I love you?
I wouldn't dream of going nowhere
Silly Rodney come here let me show you
Have I told you lately I love you like

Crazy boy, don't you know that I love you?
I wouldn't dream of going nowhere
Silly Rodney come here let me show you
Have I told you lately I love you like crazy, boy?

Like crazy
Crazy boy
Like crazy
Crazy boy

"Someday, someone will walk into your life, and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else."

I Won't Ask You

How much time you need because I want you to take all the time YOU need.
Forget about me... YOU take what you need.
I will still be here :)
I know how you work...
I know you take your time to process things and honestly you need to focus on school.
I want you to focus on your future right now.
I am taking myself out of the picture.
I do hope we can still be friends, though, until we work through this.
I know it might take a few weeks or months to get back into friend mode after dating for about 6 months but I know we can do it.
Time is the only factor here.
So you take whatever the time you need.
Paint, draw and let your talent take you to the top of the world and don't hold back on your dreams.
I don't feel like I have to tell you how I feel right now because you know how I feel.
But know that I will be here when you are ready :)
 

They Say

They say: you don't know what you've 

got until it's gone. 

Truth: You knew exactly what you had, 

you just never thought you'd lose it.