I Close My Eyes

Sometimes I think it's better to just get everything off your chest before it builds up and makes you crazy and you have to let it out.
But then, I tend to not think about what I am saying and say too much and end up getting hurt in the end or end up biting my tongue afterward.
I won't go into detail but basically I was really frustrated and ended up taking it out on the wrong person.
I think everything will be okay, I've just got to learn.
Somehow he hasn't run away like most guys would have by now.
For some reason he wants to stick by me and deal with all my emotional crap.
I don't know why he wants to stick around it's not like I'm all that worth it, but maybe there really is something here.
I am not going to get mad or upset that he's still here because I could not imagine anyone else by my side or walking me through these steps.
I hope he knows that he means more than words to me.
The thought of losing him scares me.
I know there are girls out there who are prettier or smarter or whatever, but I am so lucky and blessed for him to want to be with me and want to stick by me :)
He really makes my heart beat faster and slower at the same time.
He makes me feel desirable.
Makes me feel as if I am the only one in a room full of people.
I have wanted to tell him something for a while now but I know that it's not the right time.
He hasn't given up on me yet so hopefully he will always be there for me.
I guess I just have to have faith and know that he could have left at least 20 times by now and he is still by my side helping me out and showing me that he cares.
Never give up.
I know this might seem like it's really random but hey, that's kind of how I am nowadays lol

Off to bed with a smile on my face :)

Your Insecurity

Why be afraid of what other people have to say?
It's not their life.
You are the only one that has control of who you become.
So you don't like what people are saying.
Freaking man-up and deal with it.
If there is going to be any hope for "us" or whatever.
Certain things are going to be said and you have to brush it off and not let it get to you.
You also cannot be insecure about who you are.
To me, you are everything.
I look at you and every fear, every doubt, floats away when I see your smile.
I can't help but start at you.
Your eyes are breath taking, and the freckles that are placed every so gracefully on your cheeks are part of what intrigues me more.
To me looks are not important but there is something so captivating about who you are and your looks.
You pull me in like a magnet every time I see you.
Take it from me when I tell you are are amazing, just the way you are.
I don't want to change anything about you.
But you have to realize all this.
You have to realize that to me you are everything I could have ever imagined.
And you know what,  I am happy with where we are.
Where ever that is, I am perfectly happy being where we are because I am there with you.
Trust me when I say, you never need to change.
I had the best weekend that Easter weekend.
I finally got to spend time with you, just the two of us, and it didn't matter what we were doing because I got to be with you and to me that's all that mattered.
Who cares if all we watched was basketball!
If you happen to read this, know that I am venting because this has been bottled up for some time and I had to let it out before I took it out on someone, most likely you.
So there it is...
Man that felt good!

Somewhere Only We Know

So If you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

Oh! Simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you gona let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

So If you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
So why don't we go

This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

Back Again

I know I said my last post was "my last" but I just can't let go. I have too much to get off my chest and just let go of! But maybe I'll just do it in quotes and pictures this time instead of every single detail of my life!

“When I first met you I was afraid to like you, now that I like you I'm afraid to love you, now that I love you I'm afraid to lose you.”

This Is It

My last blog...

I know, I know, I say that but let's see what really happens.
Well lot has happened.
At work we are FINALLY using the new system.
After about 3 weeks, almost a month, of sitting on the counter taking up space we finally got to move the old register to the back.
Good riddance!
So I get to use to today and I am really kind of excited to actually be able to use it :)


Went home this weekend.
It was fun.
My mom and my brother kind of got on to me about what I post.
I understand.
I do.
But I am not trying to impress anyone, business wise or anything else.
I already have my future planned out.
I am going to graduate from SFA, work full-time with Smoothie King as the manager, then when the time is right I plan on purchasing the franchise from the current owners.
Whom, of which, I am friends on facebook.
Okay, so anyways...
I got to see my sisters NINE cheerleading uniforms!
They look so good on her and I am super impressed and proud of her for accomplishing what she has in only her sophomore year of High School
Here are 4 pictures of her in some of her uniforms:

 


Isn't she such a little cutie!
I just love her so much!!
The light blue socks are such a great touch too :)


Saturday I went to Sharon's bridal shower.
I had more fun than I thought.
I initially thought it was just a luncheon for the bridesmaids...
I was mistaken.
But it was still fun.
Lots of cool presents and got to finally meet the maid of honor.
Got to get all dolled up and gorgeous :)
It was fun!
I did however have to miss my CrazyLegs game but it was okay.
Mrs. Hinton, one of my soccer moms, told me the kiddos had a good time and scored SIX goals!!
Even though we still lost, I am glad they had fun!
Cause I had fun at the bridal shower.
I don't have any pictures to post but that's okay, just know that I looked good ;)


OH, check out my sister and how much of a BA she is:

I hope that plays...

Okay so I finally got to see my "nephew" Christian :)

He is such a cutie pie and I love him!!

I cannot wait to see him in May :)

Told you he was cute and I fell in love ♥
You can't help but fall head over heels for a baby like him!


Well, that's all I have.
I hope you have enjoyed my postings and I am sorry to those who felt like I over stepped my boundaries.
I didn't mean to offend anyone or over step my boundaries.
But here's to the days ahead.
May they be full of nothing but bliss and happiness :)
Ta Ta For Now :)
I'ts been fun!


-Jordan

All Scratched Up

If you don't know by now...
You are about to know RIGHT NOW!!


Okay there is really nothing to know, other than things, in every aspect of my life, tend to be getting better!
School tends to be going all right.
Grades are good.
Mostly B's, no complaints.
I've been catching up in all areas of my classes.
It's been hard but I've been giving it my all and I think it is going to pay off!!


Work.
Well, work is work.
And it sometimes gets the best of my attention and the best of me.
I feel like it's constantly on my mind and I am constantly doing something for work.
I don't mind, really, but sometimes my attention needs to be focused on something or someone else, I find it hard to leave my work at work.
I need to start finding a way to just leave it all at the desk.
When I put my work first my relationship suffers.
I can tell he gets upset and a little disappointed when I put my work first.
But when I have people constantly texting me or calling me about something that's going on, or need help with someone, or have a question about something, it's hard to just put down my phone and focus my attention on anything else.
I really wish it wasn't this way.
I really wish I could just put down my phone and focus my attention on Rodney.
I've got to learn to balance work and my relationship.
Whatever type of relationship I may have or be in.
Work is important, yes, but Rodney is important too.
And today when I went in to see him, I was on my phone, sending an email to my boss and he was trying to hold a conversation with me and I hardly heard a word he said.
I got the main points but most of it went right over my head.
I didn't realize what I was doing until he got up and went back to work and asked me to leave.
I know that might sound rude but I was being more rude by not focusing or paying attention to him.


And I felt really bad the more I thought about it.
So I've got to turn my phone off when I am around him and not make him feel like he comes second to my work.
School, yes, until I graduate he will come second to school.
And when I graduate, yes, he will come second to my work.
But right now I feel like I am making him like 10th in my life.
I'm not saying he will ever be number one, because I can't give him every second of my attention.
That's WAY too much!
No one person can be be my number 1 priority.
My family is my No. 1 priority!
Okay, so that topic went on WAY longer than I thought it would lol


Now, let me tell you about what happened on Wednesday!
I went to play sand volleyball with Yvette and Lauren.
I had a TON of fun!!
We played for about 2 hours or so and I got better as the time went on!
I would like to say that we were practicing for Springfest and Mudbuds Volleyball!
OKAY, so it was about 3:45PM and someone was tossing me the ball because it was my turn to serve.
Well, what had happened was...
When this said person "tossed" the ball my way, they had tossed it a little bit too hard and it rolled right past me.
So I turned to go get the ball.
Okay, so I really turned and started to run to go get it because I was ready to get back in the game and start playing again!
Well, what happened next was not fun.
I turned and missed my step on the way and wouldn't you know it...
I skid across the concrete and got into a fight with the concrete.
Wouldn't you know it.
The concrete won!

See.
Yeah, so obviously it is about as painful as it looks.
Okay, maybe not obviously.
But it hurts really bad.
I had to hold back the tears when it happened.
Seriously, it hurt like the dickens!
So right now I am wrapping it up and sometimes letting it breathe.
It started oozing today so I decided I needed to let it breathe.
But man does it hurt!
Like, I mean it HURTS!!


Well, tomorrow I am off to BIG D!
Sharon is having a bridal shower and it's the bridesmaids and their moms.
I'm pretty excited.
I get to take a break from work, but I have to do work before I leave to go to Dallas.
Erika is watching Dakota and I am going to see if maybe she can stop by and feed Buddy.
I feel bad leaving him/
Maybe Jacob could watch him.
I don't know.
I'm kind of stuck because I feel really bad for ditching him.
But I honestly thought Abby was going to be here this weekend.
I don't blame her for wanting to go see her family.
And I'm not mad or anything, I just feel like I am ditching Buddy with no one here to love on him and take care of him.
I mean I understand that someone can come feed him, but I just feel bad that he has to hang out in the back yard all by himself.
He's never slept in the backyard and I don't know how it's going to go.
I kind of don't want to go to Dallas anymore, now that I feel bad.
I don't know. I'll figure something out.
Maybe Jacob can come let him in at night and he can sleep on my bed and then he can come by in the morning and let him out in the mornings and he can stay outside during the day, just as long as he gets fed and comes in at night.
I can figure this out.


Catching up on GLEE so I will talk to you later ;)

Tangled

In a web of confusion and a bit of frustration...

I've practically given up on my class,
And it's actually been a lot less stressful!
I feel as if there is nothing stopping me or in my way anymore.
Before the weight of the world was on my shoulders,
But now I could seriously care less!
I mean, I'm not giving up completely, no way.
But there comes a time when you have to make a decision and if he isn't going to let me redo my project, fine, so be it.
I'll just kick ass the next time I have to take this class.
You know, this is the first time I've ever had to retake a class.
And, surprisingly I am totally okay with that.
Given I might have to pay for it out of pocket, and that might get expensive but I think it's going to be better for me to just have this stupid class to focus on rather than trying to focus on 4 classes, plus coaching, plus soccer, plus bowling, plus managing a social life and doing things through the church.

Okay something else that is on my mind.
Boy.
Yep, I said it!
I don't know where this is going.
Honestly, I 'm at the point where I could just care less and just go on about my day.
Yes, I still would like to continue where-ever this might be going.
But I honestly feel just like a friend.
Kisses on the cheek.
No hugs.
Conversations are just kind of mediocre.
I mean it's no big deal, but at the same time I want him to come after me.
I want him to make me see that he still wants me or is still interested in me.
Right now, I feel as if all he wants to be is friends.
And for right now, that's totally fine.
But he has certain statuses that just feel like a slap in the face.
You know what.
I don't care.
Let him post whatever status he wants.
Let him flirt with whoever he wants.
Let him do whatever he wants.
It's up to him as to whether or not he wants this to go anywhere.
I can only control my destiny and no one else's.
Yeah, I do take some of those statuses personally, but I'm beginning to learn, that with this guy you just have to take things minute by minute and day by day.
So here's to you, good sir.
Take a chance.
Believe in something bigger than yourself!
Risk it all on me!
I am not saying it's going to be easy, but all I know is that it's going to be worth it.


Okay so there's that soap box.
This week I get to have a date with my boo!
Robin!!!
I am super excited!
I haven't hung out with her in so long that I've almost forgotten what she looks like!!
Just kidding!
I could never forget a best friend or face like hers!!
But I am very excited and antsy about Wednesday!!


So here is to the week ahead!
Gotta keep my head held high and keep that smile shinning big and bright!!

Until next time-

Try to make me go to Rehab

But I said: NO! NO! NO!


I have come to the conclusion that if my professor wants to fail me, or whatever, LET 'EM!
I have my friends and classmates to back me up!
And if I have to I will just walk in August and actually graduate December.
I know it sucks having to come back for one class, and I'm trying my best to not have to come back for just one class, but with everything going the way it is I'll just take another semester.
That's where I stand with that issue.
I'll just take it one day at a time for now and keep you all updated about what happens.


Let's see what else:
Work is going a lot better now days.
Still learning the new POS but I'll get the hang of it one day.
Hopefully one day before I own it, lol.


Tennis is going really well!
I have some mad skills when I actually try ;)
I have learned to like it.
At first I was a bit sketchy about it but after I started actually going, it all changed and I am super glad that it did because I can't imagine skipping this class anymore!
I look forward to going out onto the courts and playing :)


Okay, so I have recently been hooked on this song by Ne-Yo called "One in a Million".
I just love the lyrics.
It's like he's going to stand up and fight for her.
Do whatever it takes.
To get this girl.
That's one in a million to him.


What can I say, I'm a hopeless romantic.
Here are some prime examples:
I want someone to show up at my door step to say I'm sorry if we got into a fight.
I want someone hold my hand when I need comfort.
I want someone to walk next to me and grab my waist and pull me closer.
I want someone to take me for a walk and kiss me in the middle of the park.
I want someone to hug me when I need it most.
*I want someone to sing to me, even though they might be off key.
*I want someone to download all the songs of the band we saw together and learn the lyrics.
*I want someone to want to still be with me and look at me the same way they did when we first started talking even though we might have had a rough patch or two... or maybe three.
I want someone to email my best friend and surprise me at my soccer game.
I want someone to kiss me in the car at a red light.
I want someone to hold my hand out in public.
I want someone to say, "yeah, that's my girl"
I want someone know me inside and out and love me no matter how stressed or hyper I can get.


There's a lot more to this list but you get the picture.
I grew up on DISNEY princess movies, what do you expect.
I love a love story :)


Anyways... enough of that subject. lol
OH!
I totally have that song playing right now!!!
And I am totally jamming out to it ;)


I found some really cool quotes and I thought I would share them:

FIN

Mac n' Cheese

Ever have those days where you just feel like you are the 3rd wheel?
Well, recently that's kind of been the case.
Maybe it's because I am constantly running around and never home, but I feel like a little left out and what-not.
It's not a big deal or anything, just some days, like today, when everything has gone wrong, feeling like a 3rd wheel isn't really how I want to feel.
So I sit in my corner or in my room and do my own thing.
I usually do my own thing anyway but there's inside jokes and secretive looks that I am clueless about.
Anyways, I guess it's something stupid but whatever.


So this week has been super hectic and I am like really questioning if I am going to pass my TV production class. 
I am praying to GOD that I pass this class.
I really think my chances are really slim because  I am having problems remember the homework and when it's due.
My production totally BOMBED today!
And I mean like crashed and burned like you wouldn't believe.
Anything that could possibly go wrong definitely went wrong.
My professor told me he doesn't even know if I'll be able to make this production up.
I'm sorry but this is HALF of my ENTIRE grade!
It's NOT my fault that the damn computer didn't have enough disk space, or the freaking prompters weren't working!
I had my sh!t ready to go and was ready to rock and roll.
I am seriously doubting that I'll even get a 50 in this class.
So here's to another semester that seems to be coming my way.
Hey more one more season of FREE football games!
Or basketball games!
Hey there's always a plus side!


Okay so it's just been really hectic and what-not and I think I just put too much on my plate this semester and should have said "no" to certain things.
But that's the thing, I would be so lost without having all this stuff to do.
I have to keep myself busy and active and constantly moving or I get bored and start to eat or think or whatever.
When the summer comes I am sure I am going to have to get a second job because I won't have soccer, school, or bowling.
With all that free time I've got to either work 40 hours a week at Smoothie King or find a second job.
I would take 40 hours a week...
That's about $660 every two weeks, not including taxes taken out.
So that's about $1320 a month.
I could do that.
I could definitely do that!
So maybe that's what I'll do.
Work my a$$ off and occupy my time Smoothie King.
Although, I would like something else to do other than Smoothie King.
But maybe if I dedicate all of my time to Smoothie King they might see how hard I work :)
Well I'll think about what I want to do.
Gotta see who's going to be staying and who plans on leaving for the summer.
I have a sh!t ton of stuff to do tomorrow, including making some really baddass coupons for the SFA Easter Egg hunt!!
Gotta love free advertising!


Well, as far as I'm concerned that's all I have.
I mean I can tell you about boy but I've really got nothing to tell.
We've kind of started over, which is good, and I think that's what we really needed.
I think I tried to rush into something because I just wanted something to happen so bad.
But now that school and work has literally taken over my life it's hard to want to find time for any type of relationship.
He still means a lot to me and I still have those same butterflies I got when I first met him, but it's just hard to show affection when I'm constantly thinking about work or what homework needs to be done.
So maybe taking it slow and starting fresh is what we needed.
Time will tell.
I mean he's still here fighting for me so hopefully with a little bit more time something will come about.
But I'm not in any rush :)


Okay, now that's all I have.
Now I am about to make my To-Do list for tomorrow!

Busy Weekend

Okay so busy weekend!

First on Friday:

I had tennis class and I have discovered that I actually like going!

I had a skills test and it went okay, but the girl I was matched with didn't seem to care.

It might sound stupid but I had to lower my skills level and it was not very pretty.

I am a competitive person by nature but when I am competing against someone that is not up to my skill level I feel the need to not embarrass them and come down to their level.

I know that might seem cocky and what-not but this was a test and I didn't want this girl to fail.

So I tried to help her out and ended up making myself look like a fool.

I know the professor has seen me play and knows my skills but at the same time it's like annoying because she wasn't grading on what she knows you CAN do but she was grading based on what she saw.

Grrr....

Oh, well.

Everything will be okay and I'm not worried about it.

However, I think I am going to continue to play every once in a while after my class is over.

Maybe more than every once in a while but you know what I mean.

I also, on Friday, had to film this interview for my project.

It was actually really cool.

I felt like a real director/ producer of a show.

I know it was just in the Student Center, but I mean, I set up the stage, I set up the camera and the mic.

It was really cool.

I got to tell the talent and the host what to do and I got to set up the camera angles and shots.

I really had a lot of fun.

And it actually took some stress off of my chest being able to get that out of the way.

But tomorrow I will be disappearing for about three or four days trying to get this project done.

I am really hoping it's not as hard as I am thinking it may be.

But I am going to pull out all the stops until I get this finished!!

I will stop at nothing to pass this class!

Okay so after that I went up to Smoothie King to see if our new cashier system was up and working.

At one point during the day, it was working.

But sometime during the day it decided to stop working so I didn't get to play with it.

I am hoping that one day SOON it's going to be up and running!

Because it looks like a really cool system!

And it's suppose to make my job a little bit easier, but we shall see...

Soccer practice did not go well at all.

The kiddos were seriously all over the place!

I mean from pushing each other to calling each other names, it was a disaster!

So halfway through it I just kind of gave up and started messing around and kicking the ball with them.

It was interesting.

I hadn't just kicked the soccer ball around in a while.

I mean I got to pass to the kiddos, I got to play keep-away and it was really fun.

I did try to do some drills with the kiddos but they were just not having it!

Literally the CrazyLegs were spacing out and didn't seem to want to practice but to just be out there kicking the ball around with each other.

Which is fine, but sometimes I just wish they would listen more and learn to focus a little bit more.

Saturday:

Started out with a bridal shower for miss Sharon Tiner.

It went really well!

We play a couple of games and opened some presents.

Overall it was very successful.

One of the games we played involved toilet paper and designing a wedding dress out of 3 rolls of TP.

Yvette and I were on two different teams and on two completely opposite sides of the house.

We got 15 minutes to create our masterpiece.

And you can guess what happens next...

Yes, Yvette and I had designed the SAME DRESS!

The only real difference was that my dress had a train.

But I will let you be the judge:

Next was my soccer game.

It was a disaster too.

The ref that was my ref for the game was horrid!

I hate when this person refs my games.

He kicked me off the field!!

In the 3 seasons I have been coaching I have always been allowed on the field.

It is never the same between the refs.

It is so annoying and aggravating!

Not only does it confuse the kids but it confuses us coached.

How are we suppose to know what to practice if the refs keep changing the rules?!

Maybe at the next meeting I will say something because this is getting down right ridiculous...

The rest of the day I didn't really do much.

Washed my car, FINALLY, and took a nap.

Oh, Yvette and I did go out and shoot some photos with my camera:

And today... I worked.

All day.

From about 11:30pm until about 8:45pm

So this past week I worked about 32 hours.

Yeah, I should get paid more.

I am working on my resume so hopefully I can either find another job or have two jobs.

Obviously I would not try to have two jobs right now.

No one would ever see me.

I am thinking more for the summer.

I won't have classes until the end of July so I will have so much time on my hands and with me used to be busy all the time or always running around I can't go from 100 things to do in one day down to like 5 things to do in one day.

I think I might literally lose my mind if I don't have another job!

Okay one last topic.

Yes, its Rodney

Things are going really well.

I am learning to trust him more and more.

I now am finding it easier to just live in the moment and not take it too personally when he we don't hang out.

I would say, however, that we have kicked it back a few notches.

And you know what that's okay.

As long as I still know how he likes me, I am totally okay with kicking it back :)

Sometimes I wonder why he chose me or still is fighting for me, but then I have to tell myself that he thinks I'm worth it, so I stop asking myself that question.

I would, however, like it if he put up more of an effort.

I don't mind going over and saying hi, but sometimes I feel as if that's where our relationship begins and ends.

I wish he would ask me on a date or to hang out or something.

Again, I am okay with kicking it back a few notches but going all the way back to square one I am NOT okay with!

I mean I haven't kissed him in over a month and you know what...

It's killing me!

Every time I see him that's one of the first things that pop into my head.

Wondering if I am going to get that kiss.

But time and time again I am left with no kiss, just hugs.

Great hugs, but no kiss.

I am sure when the time is right the sparks will fly again :)

I just have to keep that smile on my face and know that everything will work out in the end!

Gotta have faith.

He's worth the wait so I will wait!

Didn't really think I had this much to talk about but apparently I had a lot to say

Well I am off to bed.

Test at 9, then to go talk to my professor about my notebook (that was due about a week ago)!

I'll see you in about 4 days!!

-Jordan