Axe'em Jacks

Today was a really big day for me.

Today... I got my SFA class ring :)

I am so excited but scared at the same time.

I'm excited because it signifies all the hard work and stress I've put in during the past 5 years.

I'm excited because it means I'm almost done... 6 more hours and then poof, no more college.

But I am terrified because it's the end.

Everything is coming to a screeching halt and I don't know if I am quite prepared.

Yes, I understand I have goals in my life but I really have no idea exactly what I want to do.

I don't know if I want to own Smoothie King anymore.

I don't know if I want to stay in Nacogdoches.

I love Nacogdoches with all my heart and could not have picked a better place to live, mature and attend college.

I've become part of the community and I love being a part of something so wholesome and heartfelt.

But there comes a time when it's just time to pack up and go.

I'm not saying I'm going to start packing my bags and walk out the door right now, but the more and more I think about it I am worth so much more than any amount an employer could give me here in Nacogdoches.

I know that sounds conceded and arrogant but I have done more in the past 5 years that most people will never accomplish in their lifetime.

I am not oblivious to the fact that there are those people who are my age that are being drafted into the NFL or are already doing something crazy awesome with their life.

But I have done some really amazing stuff with my life and I think limiting myself to Nacogdoches county or any county close by would be restricting myself to really achieving my potential.

There are so many options out there for me and as much as I would love to stay in Texas, I just feel like Disney is where I am meant to be.

I loved it when I was there for 8 months in 2008, and I have always wanted to return, but I told myself I would finish school first.

I miss it almost every day.

But now with the end of my college career nearing my options are opening up and I want to take chances and see if I even have a chance of making it in the "real world".

Come August, I am a free agent.

I am fair game to anyone and I already have several options here in town but I think I was meant for something bigger.

Something to make not only myself proud but one day my future husband and kids proud, and something to make my mom and dad proud.

I know they are proud of me right now and will be no matter what I do, but sometimes I feel as if they see bigger and brighter things for my future.

They know I have to see it for myself so they don't really tell me out loud but they drop little hints so if my parents believe that I am destined for something bigger and better than Nacogdoches, maybe I am.

I need to start putting together, or finishing, my resume before I can even think about where to apply.

And what happens if someone in Florida or California are interested and want to interview me?

What happens when whomever likes me and offers me a job?

Will I be ready to leave it all behind?

Yvette, Robin, Sharon, Jacob, Abby, my family.

And what about Rodney.

What happens when my heart is here but my instincts tell me to take the job?

I know I would take the job but taking the job would mean I would have to leave those who mean the most to me behind.

I am a very needy person.

I need people to be around me, I need people to be there for me, and I need people I can count on.

I love these people a lot and to leave them behind to make my dreams come true would be severely hard.

Unless of course they want to come with me, then that would make the move so much easier!

Life requires sacrifices and if that means leaving the people I love most behind to follow my dreams, then that's the way it has to be and they have to understand.

I know this seems like random and out of no where but with the end nearing these are the thoughts that are continuing to run through my head.

Hopefully I'll follow my heart and do what's best for me :)