Time Heals

Okay so here is where I am at this point in time:

The more I talk about my relationship with Rodney the more I realize where I was in the wrong. Talking about it has actually helped a lot, despite being a hard subject but I don't really cry anymore, I actually have hope that things are going to be okay. Though I do not have any control of his emotions or his thoughts, it's okay because he needs his time just as I need mine. Here is what I come come to terms with...

1) the expectations I set up for him were too far for him to reach. Yes, there are certain expectations that any girl would expect but most of mine came from movies or TV shows. That is where my problem is, I relied too heavily on those high expectations to lead me to the perfect relationship... the thing is I had the perfect relationship (for me) and I let it get out of control and let the expectations take hold. Those expectations, like surprising me with flowers at my door step or when I was at my softball games I would look over at the stands and he would be there without ever telling me he was going to show up, were set way too high and there was no way even a guy from a movie would have been able to reach these expectations.

2) there were certain situations where I should have put him first rather than trying to make it about me. Yes, my feelings are important but when I make it all about me all the time it makes the relationship all about me rather than the two of us.

3) love is  a game of give and take. If I am doing all the giving I don't give him a chance to give to me. So those high expectations I set, once again he's not going to be able to reach them if I am giving and giving and giving without the opportunity to give back.

This is what I have come up with since I've had time to think. So far it's been pretty productive and the more I talk about it with my best friends the more it helps me realize where I was in the wrong and what I need to do to improve my relationship with Rodney.

Truth is I love him. We all knew/ know this, but until I was given this chance to step back and asses everything I don't think I was ever going to be able to see these things. Still need some time but hopefully, and with all the hope in my heart, things work out between us because despite getting upset about stupid small things Rodney really knew how to love me. And I couldn't ask for anything more.