February 28th

Today is just another day.

Well, kind of...

Today was my birthday.

Yes, the day of my birth :)

And today happened to turn out to be one of the best days of my life!

Today was nothing out of the ordinary.

I got up, watched a documentary, took a shower and went to my classes.

Played some tennis, did some Zumba and Salsa Dancing.

Ate lunch with Yvette.

Went to the bank for Smoothie King.

Came back and saw the one person I had wanted to see ALL DAY!!

After 3 days, I don't think I was more excited to see one person in my entire life!

Especially after that date I had.

 I have never wanted to hug him more than I did today.

I got my hug and I just wanted to hang on forever.

I know he doesn't like PDA but I didn't care.

I was going to get my hug because I just wanted to be in his arms.

So after I got my hug and talked to him for a little bit, Yvette and I went to Lufkin.

We bought some shoes!

I got these HOT red pumps and some HOT black pumps as well!

I LOVE these pumps!!

I drove all the way to Lufkin to have these pumps!

Anyways, I bought these awesome pumps and totally wore my red ones out to dinner tonight!

We went to Auntie Pasta's for my choice of dinner.

It was really good, if I do say so myself!

I had the Mediterranean Mahi Mahi.

After dinner we went to Marble Slab and I got some Tiramisu ice cream.

It was amazingly rich and tasted almost exactly like Tiramisu cake.

 Ate my ice cream and then went down and got some birthday kisses!

 Heck if I was going the whole day with out them!

 I went 3 days without seeing him and while I was sitting at Marble Slab it came to me.

I suddenly wanted a kiss.

So you know what... I went and got them.

They couldn't have been any sweeter :)

I met him in the alley and gave him a hug then he looked at me and kissed me.

I put my hands on his face and just kissed him like I hadn't seen him in a long while.

After realizing how much he meant to me on Saturday night, I really wanted to show him how much he meant and the best way I could was through touch.

I could not have asked for a better end to my day!

 That's it for me today... well other than the fact that Yvette and I are watching a documentary on Netflix about a very racy subject but hey, it's whatever ;)

"You have a way of moving me. A force of nature, your energy. 

It comes naturally. Naturally. And it takes my breath away."

More Than Words

I just have to say that I have some of THE BEST friends!

Spoiling me on my "birthday" was amazingly... fun!

And birthday is in quotes cause my birthday is actually tomorrow.

But hey, who's checking?!

But I mean seriously!

Some of the BEST friends EVER!!!

I mean just LOOK at the cake they bought me:

I mean come on!

How do you get much better than that?!

Okay so my "birthday" night was AWESOME!

I had so much fun and I could not have celebrated it better :)

I am glad everyone was able to stop by and share that experience with me!

I will not go into detail as to what happened but just know that it was awesome!

Okay so Saturday we went out to IHOP for breakfast.

I had four eggs, four strips of bacon and an english muffin with a carafe of OJ!

It. Was. An. Amazing. Breakfast!

We talked and laughed and I told my Alaska story.

Yes, the Alaska story was mentioned.

It hardly goes a month without getting brought up.

But it's okay because without the Alaska story, I would have nothing.

After breakfast we came back home and got ready for my soccer game.

Well, it was an interesting game.

We lost.

Again.

You know what it's okay.

They are only 5 and it's just a game to them.

There are more games to come so maybe we'll win some!

Game was over and so we came back home and watched a documentary or something.

OH Toddlers and Tiaras.

They had one in Nacogdoches!

Those girls were really cute!

There was this one girl, a red-head, and she was interesting to watch.

Her eyes lit up and it was so weird.

She looked like she could go crazy at any point in time and kill us all.

It was a good episode though.

Then we went and ran some "errands" and then it was time for dinner.

Yep, dinner.

We went to Delacroix, the Cajun restaurant by CVS.

Interesting enough... I went on a blind date.

Yeah, it was interesting.

Honestly, I knew within the first 10 seconds of meeting him that there were no sparks.

No chemistry.

No fireworks.

Nothing.

I am glad I went though because now I know my feelings for Rodney are for sure.

I don't have to question whether or not I like him,

Or how much I like him.

I know and always knew I liked him.

The whole weekend I wanted him here with me.

I wanted to feel his touch.

When I looked over at this guy sitting next to me at dinner,

All I wanted was Rodney to be there.

And today when I knew he was coming back from visiting his family, all I wanted to do was run up to his work and give him a HUGE hug and kiss and just tell him I am glad to be in his arms.

It's amazing how things work out.

And I'm glad they have been working out so well :)

But tomorrow is another day and hopefully I'll get to see him.

I mean it is my birthday and all ;)

Disconnected

Today was kind of a weird day.

I mean, all started out well.

Went to class.

Actually went to the lab and I got to be the "talent".

So basically I had to read a script ON CAMERA!

It was so cool.

I also got to run the audio board, which was cool too.

Although, I didn't get to really run the board.

We didn't have music or anything but I got to cue the talent and the VTR.

But it was fun none-the-less.

Went to my Radio Announcing class and listened to everyone's, including my, PSA and commericals.

Mine were not that bad but our PSA was about strokes and apparently I was too peppy.

I sounded "too happy" as my professor told me today.

But she dud say that my commercial was just the right amount of pep and happiness.

After my classes I had to cram some food in my mouth for my lunch and then head off to work.

I was training again today.

I don't mind training.

Although, I knew Boy was working and I really just wanted to go talk to him and see him.

But I couldn't and that's okay because I knew we were both working.

 I trained from 1-3 and from 4-5

I really like my new hires.

They are very nice and seem like they have a lot of respect.

Which is what I need and want.

So I did end up getting to see Boy but it seemed weird to me.

Maybe it was just me, but I felt really disconnected with him.

I'm almost 100 percent positive that it was just me.

But I was trying to talk to him and he just didn't seem like he was listening or was distracted.

I don't know.

It was weird.

I mean, obviously, I don't want my relationship with him to be picture perfect.

If it was like that I think I might want to choke myself.

 So because we were a little off today, I started to think that maybe he was losing interest.

Maybe that was the wrong thing to think.

I don't know why I thought it, but it crossed my mind and I just slipped.

I shouldn't ever think this.

He is the best thing to happen to me and I need to just stop questioning.

He doesn't have his eye one anyone else.

He doesn't kiss anyone else.

He doesn't want to be with anyone else.

I think I just get scared that something bad is going to happen that I try and protect myself and prepare myself for the pain and the hurt.

It's instinctive now because of everything I have been through.

And I think with RT (boy)  I just have to trust him.

He's not going to hurt me and the closer we get that more I realize it.

I don't know what it was today that made me think he wasn't interested but it was stupid to think.

So if you ever feel disconnected maybe you are just distracted.

Don't question something real.

Don't doubt your feelings.

And always trust your heart :)

 

CrazyLegs

Saturday was an awesome day!
Friday night was game night and that actually went rather well!
We played Wii Resort Sports and bowling!
We played 100 pin bowling and I hit ALL 100 the very first TIME!!!
I was so excited!
Until everyone else got a strike as well...
I still gave it my all and had tons of fun!
We also played the Michael Jackson Dance Revolution and Things.
The Michael Jackson Dance Revolution was awesome!
I really want this game!
I had so much fun!
I played like 5 times :)
And I don't even need to mention how fun Things was.
I had a BLAST on Friday.
People stayed over until about 1AM.
That's how fun it was :) So Saturday I woke up, got ready and went to my training session with Scott.
Yvette came and I think she enjoyed it.
It was more intense cardio than anything else.a
Which, I don't mind.
But we had to do sprints and I am not really a sprinter.
I am a sprinter only when I really push myself or I have to sprint.
Scott had us do suicides and needless to say I was not a fan.
We did other stuff like rows with a kettle-bell and we threw a 12 pound medicine ball up in the air as high as we could.
We also did push-ups and berpies and lots of jumping.
This is why I have such a hard time going to aerobics.
If I can do this sort of stuff and be totally fine then obviously aerobics is like starting back at the basics.
Okay so anyways I had fun and I hope Yvette did too.
But we were really muddy and dirty after because we had to be on the ground and crap.
So I had to pick up Boy at 11:30AM and it was already 11:05AM by the time we got back.
Yvette and  literally had less than 30 minutes to shower, get ready and walk out the door.
Did we do it>
YES WE DID!!!
I even got to blow dry my hair, put a little makeup on and straighten my hair!
Crazy right?!
Well it happened and we did it!
We showered and were out the door by 11:29AM!!
Went to pick up Boy and you know what...
He actually came :)
It made me really happy to see him, not only on a Saturday but ready to go to my soccer game.
It was really good to see him on the sideline having a good time.
Even though he didn't want to go to my game at first.
He kept his pinky promise, even after his friend told him to ditch my game and go hang out with him.
That meant a lot to me :)
But he said he had fun and said he was almost positive that he wants to go again.
Well, even though he was on the sideline... the CrazyLegs lost :-/
It's totally okay.
It's not that big of a deal, but it is always nice to win.
I had fun, and I think the kids did too.
And it's not like there are not 10 more games in the season :)
Always a chance to make a comeback!
After the game was the best part.
Boy kept kis date with me and took me out to lunch.
We went to Peking and he paid!
This is definitely a step in the right direction :)
We sat down at a booth, across from each other and started talking.
He mentioned something about him working out and getting bulkier.
I just kind of dismised the conversation until he brought it up again.
I told him that I don't care if he has big muscles, it's his body and he can do what ever he wants with it,
But the only reason I am concerned is because last time I had a guy go on a Spring Break trip to the beach...
He ended up sleeping with like 3 or 4 different girls.
It took almost a year for me to really get over him and finally move on.
But the fact that it could happen again really scared me.
Boy says he promises he won't do anything.
And I think he gets upset that I don't fully trust him.
It's not because I don't want to...
It's just hard when it's a similar situation.
That conversation was the most tense just because of the subject,
But everything else went well.
He told me he could always tell when I was blushing because I turned bright red.
He also told me it was cute when I did that.
I showed him a video of me dancing to Michael Jackson and he was impressed with how much rhythm I have.
In order to show him, I obviously had to move over to his side of the booth ;)
He had his arm around me and he pulled me in closer.
After we watched the video we just kind of sat there.
Nothing was said.
Nothing needed to be said.
The silence said it all.
He hugged me closer and then took my phone and started to play Angry Birds.
He played for about 15 minutes and then gave me my phone back.
He put his arms back around me and asked me if I had to go to Dallas.
I told him that I had to because he was going to be hanging out with his Frat brothers all night,
So it's not like I would see him anyway.
And I had to go get the trampoline and bring it back for my party on Friday!
But there was a point when he had his arm around me and he said something and I just looked up at him.
I cannot explain what I felt in that moment.
I felt... safe.
I felt... content.
I felt... happy.
Happy to be there with him.
Happy to be there in his arms.
Happy that he wanted me there :)
After lunch I dropped him off at the house.
Yes, in case you were wondering,
We did kiss.
I just love kissing him.
I love how I feel when I kiss him.
I love how I feel after I kiss him.
Never have I wanted to kiss anyone more!
And I got to kiss him Monday, Thursday and Saturday!
Not that I am keeping track or anything :)
After all that I got all packed and hit the road.
Now I am sitting in the new place typing up a storm because so much has happened.
I have a REALLY long drive and day tomorrow so this is all I got for you guys!
OH!
We also got a lawn mower for our house!
Now we don't have to borrow our landlords.
Okay now I am off to bed for a good nights rest :)

"Trust in your heart and follow your dreams"

Random

Ohkay... so I just have to start out by saying that every day just keeps getting better and better!
Of course I don't want to jinx it!!
But I just wanted to say that I could not be in a better place right now.
Life is going so well and things are going great!

Boy and I have an official date on Saturday!
Then I get to go home and see my family!
That's always a plus!
And I get to see my brother's "puppy" Buddy and as much as I don't like how much he licks you he is a cute dog and such, such a sweetie!
I get to bring home a trampoline and that's super cool!

Basically it's getting easier and easier to smile these days.
Yes, a lot of it has to do with Boy but my room mates have a lot to do with it too!
It's always so much fun hanging out with them.
They know how to cut a rug and have a good time :)

It's always  a plus when I am with my roommates.
They know me so well and I am so glad they are in my life.
Best Friends for sure!
Well at least I think we are :)

I know this blog seems really random but that's kind of how I am feeling right now lol
Well I don't really know what else to put... so that's that.
Night

Too Close to the Sun

One should realize that tanning for nine minutes isn't that long but say it's been over a month... then nine minutes becomes like 15, and that is A LOT in a tanning bed. 
The last time I went to Blue Lagoon was January 4, 2011.
Well, I went back today because I want to get what I paid for and if I am paying for the membership then I am going to use it.
But when you are constantly running around like a chicken with your head cut off it's kind of hard to find time to go in.
I found some today!
And if you haven't figured it out yet, I went for nine minutes.
Nine minutes was a little too long.
If I could take a picture of my back I would because it is REALLY red!
But I will show you my thigh...

 Yes, this is what my entire body looks like

 

 Okay so we get this picture... literally. lol

 Well, I do plan on going back but maybe in a day or so :)

This was the later part of my day.

Earlier was pretty good do.

But I have to tell you that I am senoritous really bad!

I like have no drive or energy to go to my classes.

I mean, I go, but I just don't have any drive to.

I force myself to go to my classes.

It's painful.

Once I get there I am glad I went but the next time I have to talk myself into going.

Like the other day I was lying in bed and really wanted to skip but I still got up and went.

I had to talk myself into getting up and going because it was a class for my minor and I need it to graduate.

I am going to graduate in August!

I just have to find the missing link and get the drive to go to my classes!

Anyways, enough of that...

Saw Boy today and I think he is starting to put forth a real effort now and that really makes me smile.

Not that he didn't before I think he was just trying to figure out where he wanted this to go and if he really wanted to pursue me.

I have hope that this will work.

I am happy with where things are and I just have remember that he is worth the wait :)

“Forget about all the reasons why something may not work. 

You only need to find one good reason why it will.”

Bieber Fever

GLEE

Favorite show!
Hands down.
Without and doubt.

I love the renditions they do.
And recently, as of 2.15.11, they did a Justin Bieber episode.
For those who live under a rock, Justin Bieber is a 16 year-old kid who has literally taken this world by storm and is worth more than $65.5 million.
His mentor is Usher and Justin Timberlake was one of the first ones to sign him to his label.
Now moms, kids and babies are swooning over this 16 year-old kid.

He now has this movie out about his life.
His LIFE!
He is 16 years-old and they made a move about his life.
Talk about inspiration!
I mean this kid has a passion for music that most people WISH they had.
He loves making music, writing music and performing.
He is one of the most humble teenagers, who has fame and the celebrity status, I have ever heard of.

Miley Cyrus needs to take several pages out of this kids books.
Or at least needs to go and watch the movie.
We could all use a dose of Bieber Fever.
Because if you have that much passion for one thing you can certainly go further in this world than anyone ever thought.
He is a lot better of a role model for the kids of this generation than Miley, or Lindsay, or Rhianna, or Lady Gaga.
He prays before going on stage, he puts his mom and family first, he still shows appreciation for the people that helped him and shows them the utmost respect.

Anyways, GLEE did a Justin Bieber episode and the songs they did were really good.
I have already downloaded them and oh, am listening to them as I write this.
But I do think that Justin, no matter how small or how young, has a lot to show the world and can teach the kids of tomorrow a really good lesson about life.
I don't have Bieber fever, I do like his songs but I am not one to swoon over a celebrity.
I mean sure he's cute, but cute like a 12 year-old.
But I am not going to sell my unborn child for a ticket to his concert.
I am just another opinion about this kid and how he has already affected the world.

He made a difference.
So can you.
Find your passion.
Listen to your heart.
And make a change.

Never Say Never :) 

Crazy Day

Valentine's Day 2011

Today, like most Valentine's Days was not good.
I have always hated this day because I think it is a commercialized "holiday" that people spend WAY too much money on and it's just plain and simply put:
pointless.
I hate the fact that people use this "holiday" as something special.
It's another day in the year.
Nothing is really ever that special about Valentine's Day.
I am not a fan of how people see this "holiday" as an excuse to finally say "i love you"
If someone told me they loved me on V-Day, first of all I would be ubber pissed!
It's a cliche and it's stupid.
Anyways, now that we understand that I dread this day here is what happened and why today was nothing but stressful.

3:25AM
I get several text messages from an employee saying that she is scared to be driving so much, to and from work, that she doesn't think she can work at Smoothie
King anymore.
So I this conversation lasts about 10 minutes because it's 3:30 in the morning and I am tired and sleepy but she just kept repeating herself and repeating herself.
Honestly, this girl was one excuse after another and if i were to get one more excuse out of her I would have just fired her.
She wasn't worth the money Smoothie King paid her.
Constant bitching and had a huge ego about herself.
It was a train wreck waiting to happen.
Oh, and that wreck happened this morning at about 3:32.
I asked her if she could finish up her shifts this week because I didn't have anyone who could cover and I had not hired any one yet.
She said that was fine she could finish up this week.
Relieved, I went to bed.
So at about 9:23AM I get another text from her saying that she cannot finish up this week and that she was sorry.

BS! She is not freaking sorry.
She couldn't give a D*** about anything.
She doesn't know the stress this caused me.
I felt like I was going to have a panic attack.
It was not fun and I just wanted to cry all day today.
I skipped aerobics because I just couldn't handle it today.
I went back home and just crashed.
My self esteem went into the gutter.
I felt like I had failed as a manager.
I still kind of do feel like I failed because I let my staff down by hiring this person who ended up not being worth the gum on the bottom of my shoe.
I broke.
I went into work later today and it was actually weird because it was like a place where I felt everything was okay.
Even though this was the place that was giving me panic attacks and partly the reason for all my stress, I still found it pleasurable to be there.

Well as much as I could
I was still a little beaten up about everything.

But then that's when my day started to change.
Boy came in to check and make sure everything was okay.
He read my status and wanted to check and see if he had done something.
When he walked through that door everything, I mean literally every stressful thing, every worry, just vanished.
I could not even remember the smoothie PLU to ring up the lady that was waiting to pay.
So he stopped in to make sure that he didn't do anything and that I was okay.
It was really sweet and it just turned my day around.
He leaned in to kiss me but I just leaned away and told him no.
Only because we were in Smoothie King and I just think that is inappropriate because:
1) there are cameras
2) it would have been out in the open
and
3) he said he didn't have a valentine so I wasn't going to let him forget that he didn't have one.
Okay I know it might not have been what Ishoudl have done but by the end of this you will understand how it turned out to be a good thing :)

So he hung out for a little while longer and before he left to go to work I asked him if he really wanted a kiss.
Of course he said yes lol
So I turned around and handed him 5 Hershey's kisses.
He laughed and didn't think I was serious that those were the only kisses he was getting.
Oh, but I was serious.
He leaves and tells me to come over once I get a break but I told him that I was working by myself practically all night so he said he would wonder over and hang.
Okay so the whole night was super busy!
My mind was not really on anything but work that day.
So obviously it was a surprise when he actually came back over to talk.

We talked a little bit more and then he had to go back to work.
Well as I was sitting there I thought long and hard about what I really wanted.
I wanted a kiss.
And by-golly I was going to get it!
Well, okay it took a while to get up the guts to go over there but eventually I did.
So I walked over there and asked him to meet me in the alley.

Okay, hold on to your hats people because this is where it gets good!
He met me out back and I walked up to him and....
......
.....
.....
.....
.....
.....
planted a big one on him!
I KNOW!
Me... Jordan!
Yep, I sure did
Who I am?!
I don't know but I am so glad I did it!
I cannot tell you how big my smile was walking away from him.
Best. Day. So. Far!

Even though the day started out really crappy and I just wanted it to end the second it started, I had the power to turn it around.
I took the day into my own hands and did not let it get the best of me.
So Valentine's Day, you still suck but you were not too bad this year :)


"When I look into your eyes there is a force I can't deny"

Little Bit of Fear

I have got to stop talking myself out of this.
Just because I don't talk to you, or see you everyday does not mean you are not interested in me anymore.
I think a lot of it is the fact that I just am so scared of another heartache that I start to make situations up in my head.
I am so unsure of myself as a person right now and a lot of this comes from not really knowing what I want to do when I grow up.
Some of it comes from the pain that still lingers.
Some from the heartache I have suffered.
And some from the fear that you are going to take my heart and then pull the cords.

I cannot put myself through another broken heart.
I honestly don't know how I kept going from the last few.
I want to leave it to God.

I really do,

But God was the one who put those other guys in my life.

And basically made me suffer.

It's hard to leave something in the hands of someone who has hurt you so many times.

I am so scared that you are going to find some other girl and leave me in the dust.

I am so scared that I am being overly assertive because I don't want to lose you.

I don't want to slip from your mind, like I have slipped from so many others minds.

There is a greater fear that I am going to mess this up between us because I am being assertive and trying to make sure you know I am still here.

I am not one to just date anyone.

I am not one to kiss anyone.

And I am not one to give up easily.

I just have so much pain built up in side that it's hard to let anyone new in without questioning where it is going.

I'm sorry if it seems that I am unsure of us and what we have.

I'm not unsure of that at all.

I know this is the best thing that has ever come my way and I really don't want to do anything to screw it up.

I'm just unsure of what is going to happen.

Whether we are going to make it

Or whether I am going to be stuck out in the rain picking up the pieces of another broken heart.

I'm not saying I want a definition of what we are.

I don't need a definition.

I'm not saying I want a label.

I don't want a label.

I don't really know what I want.

I just want to stop what I am doing and to stop telling myself something bad is going to happen.

I don't know what is going to happen.

I cannot predict the future.

I cannot predict anything.

So sitting here trying to predict that something bad is going to happen is absurd.

If "you" read this please just give me some reassurance that everything is going to be okay.

Not that it's not okay right now because right now it couldn't be better but I am just saying everything as in the future between us is good.
It's great.

Unspoken

I start to become unsure of my situation with him when I do not know what is going on.
I am the type of person who is used to being in control.
I know what is going to happen next because I am the one who plans it.
I organize things.
I make things happen for myself.
Sometimes this can scare some guys off.
And you know what...
They just were not man enough to handle a real woman.
Yes, I can be assertive sometimes.
And I might jump the gun every once in a while.
But that is just who I am.
I don't know if I like "control" per say but I do like to know what my next step is going to be.
With him I never know what to expect.
I want to build this up from solid ground.
But he is really attractive and I'm afraid that some girl is going to come along and swoop him off his feet and then there I am standing holding my broken heart again.
I am really flattered when he gets jealous.
Because he doesn't know but I don't have eyes for anyone else.
So I think it's sweet when he gets nervous about me talking to another guy.
I admit sometimes I try to make him jealous but I have only done that once with him.
All the other times he assumed I was "into" the other guy.
I want to think that he only has eyes for me too.
I have a feeling he does by the way he looks at me.
I can't even explain the way he looks at me.
It is literally the best feeling in the world when he looks at me.
It's a good feeling to have someone like him in my life.
I must have hit some sort of lucky poll or something because I am so lucky to know him.
He has goals.
He coaches youth basketball.
He has an amazing talent!
I love to see his smile.
His smile is worth a million unspoken words.
I just have to trust in the man above.
The hardest part is figuring out why and how I can be deserving of such a great guy.
I guess I just have to see where He takes me.
Here are to those feelings unspoken...

Babies, Solitary Confinement and Sex Appeal

Weird title but interesting explanation...

I spent this morning watching 3 very interesting documentaries. I looked on Netflix and didn't really have a preference about which one I wanted to watch, I just went with which one sounded good to me.

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Babies

This documentary was about four different babies growing up in four different countries. One grew up in Africa, one in Japan, one in Asia, and one in the USA. It was a huge eye opener to how we, as Americans, take advantage of what we have. I know that was not the point of the movie, but that is really what I kept focusing on. I mean the child in Africa would roam around with goats and eat off of the ground. The child in Asia would get yelled at for wasting water while washing dishes. The culture is just so vastly different that you don't realize how much you have until you see what other countries have, or don't have. I mean this kid in Africa was born without any type of medicine, under a tent, out in the open Sahara with danger lurking in every direction. While the kid born in the US was hooked up to at least 5 different machines monitoring her every breath. I mean, given, I would never do what the women in Africa or Asia did but still it's so weird to see the differences between cultures. If you have not seen this documentary I recommend it.

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Solitary Confinement

This documentary was just scary to watch. I mean to be locked away, BY YOURSELF, alone, with no one to talk to, for over 13 years is so unreal to me it made me cringe. I could not stay locked away with out any human contact for the amount of time that these people are locked away for. The only human contact they have is when the guards are shuffling them from one cell to another, or to shower, or to take them to exercise. When it is time to eat the guards open the slot for the meal tray and then lock it right back up. They get 15 minute shower, but they are being watched the entire time. They get an hour in the "gym", which is only a room with a pull up bar. They sleep, eat, and pace back and forth for 23 hours a day in a tiny 8 by 12 room. It's inhumane, honestly. These people are going crazy. They look at walls and concrete for 23 hours a day for up to... the rest of their lives. I could never do what these people are forced to do. I mean the literally have all the time in the world to do nothing. And I admit that every once in a while it's nice to sit on the couch and do nothing, read a book or watch TV. But these people have nothing but blank, white walls to look at. I would go insane. I have to have contact with other people to keep my sanity. I was so fascinated with this documentary I just wanted to know more and my eyes were glued to the TV to find out how these people kept alive.

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Sex Appeal

I didn't get to finish this one but I got 3/4 of the way through it. But from what I saw it was very interesting. Attraction is based off of a lot of different things: symmetry, smell, the laws of attraction, the sound of someones voice (the lower for men the more sexy, the higher for women the sexier and more attractive they were). I found some things to be rather weird like how women find men more attractive if they have a symmetrical face. Men find women more attractive when they have a more feminine face (higher cheek bones and a narrower jaw line). I don't know much to say about this one because it was a lot of science behind it and yeah it was really good but it's just hard to explain "the golden rule of symmetry". I just recommend watching it and see if you follow the "golden rule".



-Jordan

This...

Okay. So there is a lot on my mind but I don't know really exactly where to start. I'm literally drawing a blank. I mean there's so much going through my head...

Emotions.
Feelings.
Random thoughts.
Funny stories.
Inside jokes.

I mean literally a lot of things are constantly running through my mind.
Right now it's the conversation I had with "boy" today.
He's a really great guy.
I mean really great.

His personality is very laid back.
He makes me laugh.
He makes me smile.
He just makes me feel good about myself.

Anyways, I was questioning if we had any potential.
Stupid..
I was really stupid to even think otherwise.
But it's good to know that we are on the same page now.

I still might question it.
But I hope he knows that it's not him.
I've just never had anything this good stick around.
So I start to get worried and that's when I start questioning things.

I have just got to keep telling myself that this is good.
This... this is everything I have ever wanted.
And I don't want to mess this up.

"I Used To Be Fat"

Yes, I did but I am talking about the show, "I Used To Be Fat."
These storie are a true inspiration to America.
I mean you have these people who can't run a mile and by the end of the show they are running a 5K in under 45 minutes!
Being over weight is never fun.
But the change and the motivation has to come from within.
You can have someone yelling at you and telling you to do this and do that but until you WANT it you are always going to hate the way you look.
It literally took me buying a size 20 jeans to realize I was on a downward slope.
Now, I have a trainer and I can do Advanced Group Classes at the gym and you know what I can finish them and I walk out feeling like I have conquered the world.
This episode I watched was truly inspirational to me.
She wanted to run a mile in under 10 minutes.
10 mintes...
That is still really slow, to me.
But I remember when I was in that same boat.
This girl weight 263 pounds at the beginning of her training.
At her final weigh in she weighed 222 pounds.
There are other people who have lost up to 120 pounds all in 90 DAYS!
As I was watching her and watching her dad cheer her on and want to go to her workouts was really emotional for me.
I wanted that.
I wanted someone there to cheer me on and to say that I could do it.
I wanted someone there to push me to my limit.
I wanted someone there to say, "screw all those coaches who told you you couldn't do it."
But this girl had it.
She had her whole family behind her.
She has now lost a total of 80 pounds.
Good for her!
Keep it up!
And if you are struggling losing those last few pounds know that you can do it!
Someone believes in you!

This was me at the beginning of 2008

This was me last Saturday :)

Primary Colors

First let me vent:

Okay. I am the manager. Meaning I am someones boss. Okay with that in mind please tell me why someone would TEXT me at 6:15 in the morning saying they would not be coming into work this morning?! Yes, this happened... this morning. I was thrown into panic mode because this person lives at least 45 minutes away and the store HAS to be opened BY 7AM! People are waiting outside at like 6:50AM for their smoothie. So you can understand my reason for panic... So what do I do? I go into boss-man mode and get on the phone and start calling people. Luckily these people answered their phone and were able to come in and cover for this other person. But I am not their mom. It is NOT MY JOB to find someone to cover their shift. This just pisses me off. I am still really irritated at the fact that she couldn't do it herself. I mean I will find someone to cover because that store HAS to be opened. Come hell of high water, those doors have to be unlocked at 7AM. I don't care if you have a 103 fever, if you cannot find someone to come in for you, your butt better be up at my store ready to go for the day. Now that I have that out of the way...

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Today in my TV Production class we were talking about lighting and tapes and film and etc.
Okay okay. blah, blah, blah... I won't bore you with the details but I will tell you that there are 3 primary colors in TV, as there are in crayons. Apparently, green is now a primary color. I have known what RGB stood for but my professor was explaining RGB and why it's used in TV and he said that RGB stood for Red, Green and Blue... "the three primary colors". First of all I was almost positive that the three primary colors were Red, blue and Yellow because you cannot make these colors from any other colors. I mean, yeah I get why we use RGB in TV and photography but I think I was the only one that laughed when he said "primary colors" because my first thought was the Red, Blue and Yellow were the three primary colors. But maybe that was just me. For those confused please let me know... but I don't think you want me to go into detail about why we use RGB in TV and photography. So just so you know the three primary colors ARE Red, Blue and Yellow. lol

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Also today, I went to the Athletic Conditioning class for the first time since I barfed the very first time I went. I can tell you it was not as hard but I am going to be sore tomorrow. "Boy" was suppose to go but he forgot he had basketball practice from 5:30-7PM. No biggie. I understand about practicing because I am a coach too and I hate when I have to cancel practice. And I would never expect him to cancel a practice for me. I am not that type of person. But I was kind of bummed that he wasn't able to come but at the same time I might be glad because I don't want to look like a fool... just yet lol. Wait till he sees me playing Just Dance 2 then it will be a huge laugh fest! But I did invite him to go bowling with us on Thursday so we shall see if he goes to that. If not he is off Friday and Saturday so maybe we can do something then. Hopefully.... geez!

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One more thing!
Okay so I was working today from 12-4PM and the town "celebrity" Brad ..... who works for State Farm Insurance came in today. No big deal really because he comes in almost everyday but today he asked me if I was going to school down here. I said yes and of course the next question was about my major. So I told him that I was majoring in Advertising and minoring in Radio/TV. Then, of course, the next question was when was I suppose to be done. I told him I graduate in August but I planned on staying here for like ever and was planning on getting my masters in business because I want more experience in the business aspect. But I told him I wasn't going anywhere for a while because I love the town and you know what he told me?!
He told me that I should drop off my resume with his assistant Whitney and that he definitely wanted to take a look at my resume. Maybe there is some potential here. Who knows... Smoothie King may have a new manager by the Fall semester. I am for sure going to draw up a resume and turn one in like by Friday and see what happens.
There is a reason for everything. Maybe this was a sign that Smoothie King might not be in my future and a more promising career is in my future.
There are a lot of things to think about but I am still going to turn in my resume and see what happens. Hey it doesn't hurt to try!

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So my day went from REALLY crappy start to a RAELLY pleasent end!
Who knows what tomorrow brings...

-Jordan

Oh Mondays

Monday.
Monday.
Monday...

It was actually a really good day today!
I actually played tennis today.
And you know...
I'm pretty legit!
Beware of my wicked serve!!

So before I went to my tennis class I took this new supplement called C4.
It says it will give you an "explosive workout"
Well not only did it give me that it also gave me EXPLOSIVE ENERGY!
I mean I have had so much energy running through my system since about 10:45 this MORNING!
I mean I am not complaining because it put me in a really great mood like all day,
but at the same time I had so much engery it was hard to know where to exert it all.

So I exerted it at work.
I was dancing and singing and just all over the place.
I have never had so much fun at work.
I might have scared a few people but I think I am more entertaining and fun with a butt-load of energy.
Maybe it's just me.
I mean I naturally have a LOT of energy but today it was just out. of. control.

NTways...
Today I also went to lunch with Sharon and Yvette.
We talked about boys, and school and basically just "girl stuff"
I also went to wal-mart and picked up some contact solution and a tennis racket so I don't have to use the ones at the HPE.
It is exactly like Abby's but hey that's okay because Abby is like legit in shape and I aspire to be as athletic and in shape as her.
And if I have to start with a racket, by golly that's where I am going to start.

Oh, I also set up an appointment for Miss Dakota to get snipped!
FINALLY!
Maybe she won't be so hyper and crazy and energetic after the surgery.
I love her the way she is but sometimes it can be a bit much.
Much like, I'm sure, I was a bit much for some people today.

I have saved the BEST NEWS for last!!!

I

GOT

MY

DALLAS

COWBOYS

PACKAGE

TODAY!!!

OMG!!! I was waiting for like EVER for this package!
I mean the stupid snow in Dallas got in the way of me having it by Friday.
But hey, I got it and I am wearing my jacket RIGHT NOW!
And I am going to wear my Super Bowl XLV shirt tomorrow for sure!
I am so excited!

So today...

Has just been great!

OH! And I got to see and talk to the boy which made my day even better :)

Peace out girl scouts. I have to finish my homework... bleh

PACKER Paradise!

So since the... beginning of time, okay okay, since the 15th week of the football season I knew the Packers were going to go all the way up to the top!

I really thought it was going to be the Packers vs. the Patriots but they lost to the Jets and the Jets lost to the Steelers so it was a Steelers/ Packers Super Bowl.

But it was such a GREAT game!

My adrenaline was pumping and I was so excited throughout the ENTIRE GAME!

I HATE the Steelers so I am so GLAD they DID NOT WIN!

My hatred for them in more than my hatred for McDonalds burgers, and that is frankly a lot.

Anyways, literally the minute I walked into the living room the Packers scored so I knew it was going to be a GREAT game!

THe Packers had the 1st half! They dominated the 1st half but in the 3rd quarter that Steelers dominated the football.

It was 21-17 for the longest time and then finally it turned to 28-25. Then MY PACS pulled through and scored a TOUCHDOWN!!!

31-25 was the final score!

I was screaming and yelling and cheering and everything else.

I LOVE FOOTBALL!!!

Now... the only problem is trying to figure out what I am going to do now that football season is over.

But now Abby and Yvette are watching one of our favorite shows... GLEE!!!!

It's AWESOME so far!

They have already sung one of my favorite songs "Need You Now" and it's just going to get better!

I love this show!

Okay well I have to get back to watching GLEE and stop blogging lol

Talk to you later!!






Oh and PS:
     -everything in my past couple of blogs you can ignore. There was a lot going on in my head that wasn't really going on in reality. So what ever I thought I did "wrong" there was nothing to be worried about... So here I am ready to rock and go with the flow :)

see ya :)

Where Now?

Where did I go wrong this time?

Why is it that I feel like we have hit a road block...

All I want is for things to be better.

Back to the way they were.

I don't know when things changed.

I don't know why they changed.

I don't even know what caused them to change.

All I wish is that they would just return back to normal.

With everything that I have been through.

And all the heart ache I've suffered.

It's hard to think that someone like you could have ever entered my life.

It's amazing to me that you even exist.

I've kissed three guys in my entire life.

Your kiss was the first time a kiss ever meant anything.

Your kiss was the first time I ever felt anything.

Your kiss still lingers in my head.
I never knew what a kiss could mean until you kissed me.

I've never wanted to kiss anyone more than I want to kiss you again.

I've never wanted to hold someone's hand more than I want to hold your hand.

Guys like you are rare.

I hit some sort of stroke of luck finding you.

I don't know what I did in my life to deserve you even to glance my way.

But I'm glad you did and I just hope you are still glancing.

Sometimes I get a little uncertain of myself and I start to question things.

I've already questioned you.

I've already questioned why you would ever be interested.

I've questioned the kiss.

I've questioned almost everything up to this point.

And you know what...

I am sorry.

When something good in my life comes around it's hard for me to understand why I deserve it.

It's not you.

It's not anything.

It's just the way I am.

My past is full of hurt and pain.

Heart aches and tears.

But even though it is in my past I still carry a sense of doubt on my shoulders.

If something changed between us let's fix it.

Let's fix whatever it is.

I just don't want the one good thing in my life to go away.

And when I look in your eyes I know you're good.

When I walk in the room you look up and smile at me and my world lights up.

You are going to have to understand that there might always be a sense of doubt.

But I would never doubt you.

I would only ever doubt myself.

Whatever went wrong, please, let's just fix it.

And you know what there might not be anything wrong and I am, yet again, creating a situation in my head that doesn't even exist.

But if there is something going on or I did something wrong I just want to fix it.



I am sorry for any doubt that I ever created in my head.

Never Be Afraid

Take a glance in the mirror and what do you see?

Most of you might just see yourself.

But if you look closer could you see more?

Look past the glass and past the reflection.

Look inward and see your true self.

Past the skin that covers your body.

Past the scars and past the bruises.

Past every fear and past every bad memory.

In to the eyes of your soul.

In to your heart.

What do you see?

Do you see someone funny?

Someone smart?

Someone worthwhile?

You are more than what you see in your reflection.

Never be afraid to show off your smile.

To show off your eyes.

To show off your personality.

Never be afraid to be yourself.

Never be afraid to laugh.

To smile.

To cry.

To hurt.

To need.

To want.

To win.

Or to lose.

Never be afraid to just be you :)

Sometimes Life Happens and you just have to roll with the punches