Disconnected

Today was kind of a weird day.

I mean, all started out well.

Went to class.

Actually went to the lab and I got to be the "talent".

So basically I had to read a script ON CAMERA!

It was so cool.

I also got to run the audio board, which was cool too.

Although, I didn't get to really run the board.

We didn't have music or anything but I got to cue the talent and the VTR.

But it was fun none-the-less.

Went to my Radio Announcing class and listened to everyone's, including my, PSA and commericals.

Mine were not that bad but our PSA was about strokes and apparently I was too peppy.

I sounded "too happy" as my professor told me today.

But she dud say that my commercial was just the right amount of pep and happiness.

After my classes I had to cram some food in my mouth for my lunch and then head off to work.

I was training again today.

I don't mind training.

Although, I knew Boy was working and I really just wanted to go talk to him and see him.

But I couldn't and that's okay because I knew we were both working.

 I trained from 1-3 and from 4-5

I really like my new hires.

They are very nice and seem like they have a lot of respect.

Which is what I need and want.

So I did end up getting to see Boy but it seemed weird to me.

Maybe it was just me, but I felt really disconnected with him.

I'm almost 100 percent positive that it was just me.

But I was trying to talk to him and he just didn't seem like he was listening or was distracted.

I don't know.

It was weird.

I mean, obviously, I don't want my relationship with him to be picture perfect.

If it was like that I think I might want to choke myself.

 So because we were a little off today, I started to think that maybe he was losing interest.

Maybe that was the wrong thing to think.

I don't know why I thought it, but it crossed my mind and I just slipped.

I shouldn't ever think this.

He is the best thing to happen to me and I need to just stop questioning.

He doesn't have his eye one anyone else.

He doesn't kiss anyone else.

He doesn't want to be with anyone else.

I think I just get scared that something bad is going to happen that I try and protect myself and prepare myself for the pain and the hurt.

It's instinctive now because of everything I have been through.

And I think with RT (boy)  I just have to trust him.

He's not going to hurt me and the closer we get that more I realize it.

I don't know what it was today that made me think he wasn't interested but it was stupid to think.

So if you ever feel disconnected maybe you are just distracted.

Don't question something real.

Don't doubt your feelings.

And always trust your heart :)