Little Bit of Fear

I have got to stop talking myself out of this.
Just because I don't talk to you, or see you everyday does not mean you are not interested in me anymore.
I think a lot of it is the fact that I just am so scared of another heartache that I start to make situations up in my head.
I am so unsure of myself as a person right now and a lot of this comes from not really knowing what I want to do when I grow up.
Some of it comes from the pain that still lingers.
Some from the heartache I have suffered.
And some from the fear that you are going to take my heart and then pull the cords.

I cannot put myself through another broken heart.
I honestly don't know how I kept going from the last few.
I want to leave it to God.

I really do,

But God was the one who put those other guys in my life.

And basically made me suffer.

It's hard to leave something in the hands of someone who has hurt you so many times.

I am so scared that you are going to find some other girl and leave me in the dust.

I am so scared that I am being overly assertive because I don't want to lose you.

I don't want to slip from your mind, like I have slipped from so many others minds.

There is a greater fear that I am going to mess this up between us because I am being assertive and trying to make sure you know I am still here.

I am not one to just date anyone.

I am not one to kiss anyone.

And I am not one to give up easily.

I just have so much pain built up in side that it's hard to let anyone new in without questioning where it is going.

I'm sorry if it seems that I am unsure of us and what we have.

I'm not unsure of that at all.

I know this is the best thing that has ever come my way and I really don't want to do anything to screw it up.

I'm just unsure of what is going to happen.

Whether we are going to make it

Or whether I am going to be stuck out in the rain picking up the pieces of another broken heart.

I'm not saying I want a definition of what we are.

I don't need a definition.

I'm not saying I want a label.

I don't want a label.

I don't really know what I want.

I just want to stop what I am doing and to stop telling myself something bad is going to happen.

I don't know what is going to happen.

I cannot predict the future.

I cannot predict anything.

So sitting here trying to predict that something bad is going to happen is absurd.

If "you" read this please just give me some reassurance that everything is going to be okay.

Not that it's not okay right now because right now it couldn't be better but I am just saying everything as in the future between us is good.
It's great.