All in Perspective

Okay so the last time I blogged was a while ago and there have certainly been things that have gone on!

Rodney and I have done nothing but argue the past two days.
It's not about anything big, well okay, it is kind of.
He said he wanted to go to Banita on Friday becasue Eli Young is playing.
Well yesterday I asked him if he still wanted to go and he said that he's not sure.
You should know that he does have this "cast" around his right hand because when he was in Padre some guy was trying to break into the place he was staying at, so he goes and punches the guy and ends up fracturing his hand.
Okay, so he doesn't liked to be asked what happened because when he says that it happened in Padre everyone seems to assume he was drunk.
Obviously he doesn't want to go explain this to everyone at Banita, but seriously how many people are going to come up and ask him what happened.
Maybe if he was at the bar, yeah, I could see that happening.
But just standing there with me, i highly doubt anyone is going to come up and ask what happened.
Just me.
But anyways.
So that's one thing that we have argued about.
Another was whether this was going somewhere or we were just kind of stuck.
He said he's not talking or interested in any one else.
He told me more than once that he missed me.
He told me that while he was in Padre, nothing happened and he didn't want anything to happen.
He said that girls were coming up to him "left and right" and he would just give them a beer and tell them to be on their way.
Said his roommates were hooking up and he would just lie in bed, alone.
I'm not going to lie, I cannot even begin to imagine not having Rodney in my life.
And I'm glad that nothing happened in Padre.
I shouldn't have feared anything and it was stupid for me to even begin to think that something would or was going to happen.
I don't know why we cannot seem to just not argue.
I think it might be the fact that I have so much stuff do for school that I am seriously stressing and I think I have just been taking it out on him, which is wrong.
There is no reason I should be doing this.
I did just send him a message saying that I just needed some space and that he should go to Dallas and I would just take a girlfriend to Banita.
That makes it sound like I was mad, I'm not.
I've vented and let it all out with both Abby and Yvette.
I really appreciate them listening to me over petty things like boys.
But I think not seeing Rodney for a little while will help us both in the end.
I know I just came off of like 10 days of not seeing him but I didn't expect to hit the ground running with projects right when I got back from break.
I was and might still be agitated with certain things and I think I keep my stress and frustration bottled up that it gets to me and I take it out on someone or something.
Anyways hopefully with me not talking to him or just taking a step back maybe we can get back on the right track and get back to where we were.
I mean, you all know how much I missed him and I don't want him to be just another guy in my past.
I don't want to look back 20 years from now on my journal entries and think to myself, "Man Jordan, you really messed that up. He was a great guy. Why did I mess that up?"
I don't want him to be another guy in my journals.
So if having to take a step back and just breathe and focus on school is what I need to do then so be it, because I really don't want to read about him in 20 years.


Well this has helped get some perspective on what really matters and basically everything else.
I know he's not going to go anywhere but I don't want to take that risk so I'm learning to breathe again...