❝It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.❞
This morning I gathered up all of my laundry and did it all!
Well, all that needed to be washed.
I also made myself a TO-DO list and had 12 things written down and actually managed to get 4 of them finished.
I know doesn't seem like much but when you have 4 loads of laundry, a messy room to clean, had to message someone about being a part of my Purple Pride TV production, and had to print of like 30 papers for the Production notebook, oh and I went running (ran 2.13 miles), I also had a meeting with the people of Smoothie King.
Four things is actually a big deal!
Considering I still have to write out TWO scripts!
Have to catch up my workbook pages.
Have to do my taxes and vacuum my car, I was okay with only completing 4 out of 12.
❝Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.❞
But anyways, this morning I decided it was time to just gather up all of my journal entries about past "loves", or certain situations.
I decided it was time to just let it all go.
I've realized that having them sitting in my room is too much for me to handle and sometimes I do get the urge to read them and it just brings back old memories.
So all those writings about Mr. Henderson, Bryan, Brett, James, Cameron, Luke, Chris, Zak, Brady, Patrick, Travis, Scott, Will, Garth, and anyone else... burned!
Gone.
Just like the pain.
It was time to let it all go and time to stop it from affecting my present and future.
Yeah, I will probably cry later tonight wondering why I did it.
But I think in the end it's the first step to fixing things and getting back myself.
I did it because they were a haunting memory of heartache and pain.
They were more than just writings they were bruises that hadn't healed yet.
And as much as I might think it was a crazy idea now, I think tomorrow will be a better day because of it.
I'll have the courage to take that next step.
I'll have the heart to finally just be free and give love my all.
I'll be ready to love again.
The walls are starting to come down.
I am still going to have worries and fear heartbreak but what girl doesn't.
And even though I haven't talked to Rodney in about 4 days, I think everything will be okay.
I know it seems like I burnt 10 years of writings to fix things with him, but that's not why.
I just got sick and tired of the wounds and scars.
Day after day I would worry about stupid things when I had no reason.
And it was all because of my past experiences.
Yes, I will always have the memories of my most painful days.
The hardest heartbreak.
And the worst pain.
But burning those entries was freeing.
In a way, watching it catch fire and burn was a cleansing state of being.
I felt as the smoke drifted off so did the wounds, scrapes, lacerations of my heart strings, bruises and everything else painful just went away.
Hopefully this funk that I'm in will lift tomorrow or sometime soon because it's just not me.
I think I'm scared about whatever tomorrow will bring.
But you can't be scared of something you
1) have no control over
2) have never experienced
3) and can't predict.
"Bad things happen; how you respond to them defines your character and the quality of your life."
No comments:
Post a Comment