No More Tears

If I had tell you why today I decided to become an emotional wreck... I would not have answer for you. But it happened.
Today of all days.
The last day I am going to see Rodney for 10 days.
The last day before Yvette AND Abby leave for Spring Break.
The day I had a huge mid-term that I had not really studied for.
The one day I didn't have to work.
But for some reason this morning when Yvette asked me how I was doing and if I was okay... I mean talk about a waterfall of tears.
They just started coming and they did not stop for like 10 minutes.
Then I got in my car and started to drive to school and when I pulled down my visor I saw that the picture Rodney drew me was gone...
So that started the tears up again.
Then I get to school and after my first class I called my mom and she could tell something was wrong just from the sound of my voice.
So then, once again, the tears started pouring and flowing and they just kept coming!
I mean, WOW!, it was like Niagara Falls was coming from my eyes.
I could not stop these tears even if I had tried!

I had a really hard time deciding what was really wrong. 
Maybe it was the stress of work, or maybe it was the stress of the test I was about to fail, maybe it was school in general, but I am sure at least 75 percent of it was Rodney.
I don't know why it upset me so much today.
But for some reason it did.
I mean, yeah it's been a great two months and I just have a fear that I am going to do something to mess it up.
When I talked to Yvette about it, like I do everything else, she told me I can't keep living with doubt. I have to let go of everything's that has happened in the past.
There is a reason why I am not with anyone from my past.
And my friend Allie told me that if Rodney was in this for sex, or anything else he would have left the second I told him I was a virgin.
Allie said there are signs that he is in this for the long-haul.
I mean I am not going to hold on to just the "signs" that someone else saw but just to hear that there is a really good chance we are going to make it, is something that I've been needing to hear.
I thought about not going by at all but I couldn't do that.
I was up there at Smoothie King and he saw me and I just could not leave him there without saying good-bye or anything.
I am so happy that I did.
I would have regretted not going in and talking to him.
I went in with my cousin that I was babysitting and the second I mentioned Hayden was my cousin he like tried to impress me by playing with Hayden and talking to Hayden and was just really involved with Hayden.
There was a point where we were all sitting at one of the tables and it felt so natural.
I'm not saying I am wanting to get married and start a family.
HECK NO!
I am just saying it's nice to have that connection with someone.
But anyways, I really hope he has a great time and I cannot wait for him to get back.


What do I plan to do for Spring Break...
Run.
Workout.
Work.
Work.
Clean my room.
Mow the lawn.
Do some laundry.
Take some pictures.
You know... the cool stuff.

But I made it through today and that is all that matters.
I wish everyone the safest of safest Spring Breaks and I cannot wait to see you all in Nac again!

 It's always something at 334!