How do I

How am I still able to function?
Overwhelmed.
Stressed.
Too much at once.
There really are no words for how much pressure I am feeling these days.
I am just ready for April 7 to come and go!
I am consumed with school work.
This Purple Pride production is literally going to either kill me or keep me up for several days straight.
Not to mention I have no clue what I am doing.
I chose my topic.
I've written my script..
Well now I have to go back and re-do my entire script because I messed up.
I stayed up till about mid-night on Monday doing my script and turns out it's all wrong.
You know what is all wrong...
The fact that I am a Radio/ TV minor.
Man!
I honestly plan to do NOTHING with this.
There are interesting classes, yes, but talk about stress!
I may look all calm, cool and collected but on the inside..
I just want to cry.
I literally came home after work last night, and passed out on my bed I was so exhausted.
I am surprised my body hasn't shut down or started to eat itself, since I haven't really eaten anything in the past 5 days.
That could be the reason I've lost about 5 pound and my belt can now be buckled three spots past the normal place...
It's not that I can't handle it all.
I just think I seriously overloaded myself and had no idea how overwhelming it all would be.
I just want to crawl into a corner and forget about the world revolving around me.

And it's not just school work that is driving me into the corner of my death.
Work has been so freaking stressful this week.
I cannot even begin to explain how stressful it has been!!
I get text messages at 6:45AM on Monday and Wednesday saying someone can't come in, so I have to go in.
Oh but WAIT!
It's so utterly convenient for this person to not be able to go in the days I technically don't have class until 11AM.
But, I am currently working on this project and I told this person and they could not have cared less.
I understand it's my project and what-not, and I get that my store has to be open by 7AM, but school comes first!
I'm sorry if you are lying on the floor passed out drunk, either you get your butt up off the floor and go to work or you find someone to cover your shift!
Yes, I get that I am the manager.
Believe me, I am reminded of it EVERY DAY!
But when I have a project that is worth HALF of my entire grade, I have to stop thinking about work and put school first.
I don't care that someone called in.
I get that things happen and what-not.
But what makes me upset and pissed is when Tuesday this person was fine, but on the days that I don't have class until 11AM, it's so convenient for her to get sick.
UGH, I get so heated when I talk about this.
I could go on and on about this but I will save you the reading and just let you read the rest of my blog...


So back to my project..
It was due yesterday (Wednesday) by 2PM.
It is now 11:36PM on Thursday and I am sitting here typing my blog instead of finishing the last portion of my project.
Next week I am hardly working at all because I have to shoot my B-roll, log and capture my videos, create my graphics, set up the prompter, set up my VTR and so much other stuff.
Next week I might not make it past Thursday.
I just know that I am going to be needing a really big hug from someone after this is all said and done and recorded!
I don't care who it's from, but i will need to just be from someone and it needs to be one of those hugs where I just don't ever want to leave from their embrace.


It seems like all I have to blog about is my stupid project.
And you know what, that's what my week has been consumed of.
Literally I've gone from work to class, or class to work, or work to class and right back to work.
Other than practice and bowling, I haven't done anything but work and homework.
I'm burnt out.
So ready to be done and over with this crap!
I am ready to walk across that stage and never have to worry about school AGAIN!
I really thought about going back and getting my masters but I can't do it.
Right now I cannot even begin to imagine the stress I would have on my shoulders if I only waited a semester.
Maybe a couple of years of no school, I'll go back but right now I just want to get done and not have to worry about tests, or homework, or studying, or taking notes, or anything!
I just want to focus on what I love... coaching.


I really found something that is some what stress free for me.
I couldn't imagine my life without it.
I look forward to Tuesdays and Fridays because I get to go out and kick the soccer ball around.
I get to go do something I love.
Something I have a passion for.
And it's amazing the connection I have with those kids.
They are like my own and I love playing with them and just having a ton of laughs.
The way their face lights up when they get to practice, or they score a goal is just beyond words.
God I love it!
When the weight of the world is on my shoulders, I know I have coaching to take it all away :)


Okay so let me get you up to speed with that's going on in the "love life"...
We are totally fine.
I know I always freak out for no reason.
And I mean I have my reasons, but I really have no reason to be worried.
People keep telling me that I have to trust that everything is going to be okay.
Yeah, I get it.
It's all about trust.
And it's not that I don't trust him because I do.
I guess when you constantly have a guard up and assume the negative things first and hardly ever assume anything positive, it's hardly ever about trust but more of a fear.
Yeah, I do fear that he might just lose interest in me one day and drop me like a rock.
I fear that someone better is going to come along.
That something is going to happen and I will lose him.
And everything happens for a reason, I get it.
But whatever reason he is in my life I am truly thankful for it.
And who cares how slow or fast our relationship goes.
It's our business and when and if anything happens, it's up to us.
Even if we have to start all over and re-do everything.
I know time with him is never going to be wasted.
So here is to tomorrow and to another smile :)


Well, I am sure that is enough reading for one day lol
So I am going to head off to bed.
Early morning and long day ahead!
So here's to you. For staying true :)

I'll leave you with this:

"Dear Claire, "What" and "If" are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: What if? What if? What if? I don't know how your story ended but if what you felt then was true love, then it's never too late. If it was true then, why wouldn't it be true now?  You need only the courage to follow your heart. I don't know what a love like Juliet's feels like - love to leave loved ones for, love to cross oceans for but I'd like to believe if I ever were to feel it, that I will have the courage to seize it. And, Claire, if you didn't, I hope one day that you will. All my love, Juliet"